“Adjust” after Marriage, ONLY Women WHY

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Its making them victims of Depression

Taruni Gandhi|Chandigarh

M4PNews Services

“Adjust” after Marriage, ONLY Women WHY. This WHY was killing Adaa inside everyday. When Adaa Kashyap faced marital problems after 1 years of love marriage and wanted her in laws and parents to help, she was told to ‘adjust’. It wasn’t limited to family but later when she got herself a lawyer he gave her the same advice – ‘adjust’.

At one point Adaa started to believe that it was her inability to ‘adjust’ with her husband’s abusive behaviour and alcohol problem that has led to a marital discord. She was made to feel that the only thing wrong here was not wanting to ‘adjust’.

Marriage is a lot about making adjustments with your partner- however this hold true mostly for women. They are expected to be the ideal ‘wife’ and ‘daughter in law’. Women are talked to about making adjustment from a very young age. They are expected to make all the efforts to make everyone comfortable and happy. That sure is a huge responsibility! This is also a huge reason for a lot of women undergoing stress.

A woman’s identity is just not that of a wife but also a professional. She is expected to make requisite adjustments at work in order to prioritize her family. A majority of men today want their wives to be working as surely it does ease things out financially but there are very few who acknowledge it as a priority. If there is work stress for the husband she is supposed to be supportive and understand. If he has got a promotion or a new job in another city, she is supposed to relocate too.

She is supposed to prioritize everything else before herself- that is the adjustment. This surely leads to a lot of stress and pressures to deal with.

Yes it is important to know your responsibilities but getting stressed out because of too many burdens of adjustments levied onto you as woman is unhealthy and is being harsh on ourselves.

Marriage is a major life event. Everyone has teething issues which sometimes make it difficult for us. You may feel stressed, sad, hopeless and exhausted. You may also experience physical symptoms like trembling, twitching, sweating, regular headaches. These are all signs of difficulties in adjustment. One of the leading causes of depression in women is the adjustment difficulties.

Here are things that you can do to help yourself deal with the stress:

Prioritise yourself: Put yourself over and above everything and everyone. Only if you are happy and content can you make others happy. You can surely please one person for sure i.e. yourself. You will be in a much better position and state of mind to take on other responsibilities.
Juggling role effectively: When in the office avoid thinking about the house and when you are at home avoid work. This will just help you concentrate on the role you are supposed to be in at that time.
Dividing Responsibilities at Home: Avoid taking everything on yourself. Taking help from your partner surely will help. If you are making diner allow him to help you wind up.
Discussing your stressors with your partner: If you feel that you have a lot of responsibilities on you and feel that you are unable to cope with them, talk about it with your partner. You can surely come up with a way to reduce your burden.
Dealing with his family: The biggest and also the most challenging adjustment that women find is – deal with the in laws. Also there is a preconceived difficulty attached to it. It is important to start on a positive note. Try seeing the positive aspects and not just the negative ones.
Avoid Overthinking: Thinking about the same thing over and over again can be very exhaustive. If a certain distressing thought makes its way again and again, replace it by a positive and productive thought.
Avoid looking back at your previous life: Marriage is surely a different experience and an enjoyable one too. However in order to enjoy it even more you need to stop looking back at the time you were not married.
Have your expectations low: It is important not just to expect less from other but also yourself. You will find many reasons to be happy this way.
Appreciate Yourself: Every day before sleeping look at the various achievements you made through the day and appreciate yourself for it.
Speak your mind: If you feel someone is being insensitive towards you and you feel hurt stand up for yourself. Never let repercussions stop you from talking your mind. However it should be communicated in a healthy manner.
Take Professional Help: If you feel overwhelmed by the various adjustment difficulties that you are facing, take the step towards mental wellness. See a counsellor or a Psychologist who can help you to effectively deal with your life.